You're going to look terrible.
Everyone will think that, but they won't say it; that's the worst part.
Eventually you'll long for someone to say it instead of just looking away.
So the close relationships you have now will be very important to you.
I'll stand by him.
That's good.
OK, then.
How do you feel? Tender?
I'm going to take off the collar in one go. Ready?
Great! Good job, Christer. That was the worst part.
There we go...
Is it OK? Good job, you're a real fighter.
Now, one... two... three...
Do you want me to stop?
Now I'm going to pull this over your head. That's the last of it.
You're doing great. Good job, Christer.
Now it's over. Good job.
There's a mirror over there if you want to have a look.
Hi, Janne.
We've brought you some friends.
How many?
Three today.
Christer, can you manage? Do you want some help?
No!
Have you thought about where your job is leading?
I mean...
Just relax...
I mean, it's been a while since you worked in...
It would give Jan a chance to learn how to... deal with customers.
So I thought you could rotate. Switch places.
He could learn about customers and about being our public face.
Well? Because it's important for him to be our public face now and then.
I mean, our public representative.
Good. Then...
That's that, then. So anyway. What else is new?
Anna!
Mådan! Hi!
It's been ages! How nice to see you!
How are you?
Fine, just fine.
I'm just looking at the calla lilies.
Look, I saw Christer in the sweetshop the other day.
How is he?
He was picking up a package.
It must be very difficult.
Yes, it was crazy to close down the post office.
I mean with Christer.
He's just fine.
So is Flavio. Everything's normal.
It's our turn. We were at the vet's in Denmark.
He didn't know if Max needs to be put to sleep, so he sent us here.
Eh?
We've been to the vet's in Denmark.
And he told us to come here and ask if he has to be put to sleep.
But... we can't make that decision.
A veterinarian must make that decision.
But he sent us here.
If you're putting him to sleep, we have a price list...
I just want to know if he has to be put to sleep!
What shall we do with the ostrich? Can we put it in whole?
Should we slice it up? It escaped from an ostrich farm.
It ran out on the E65 and got flattened by a lorry.
I don't see why they can't build proper fences.
What else is new?
Sent in your pools coupon?
Masthugget Gothenburg
It's right there at Korsvägen.
You should take the tram.
What is this? Why are they never finished before it's our turn?
OK, ladies, prancing-time over!
Hello...
I bet they don't know the schedule.
I have a class to teach here.
Olle is buying today. It might take a while, the off-licence was crowded.
Hi, everybody!
Hi, Ernst.
The dart guy is Holger, right?
No idea.
I don't want to say the wrong name.
What a piquant odour!
The air isn't so fresh after their class.
They jump around and stuff.
There's a guy at work who smells really bad.
I think sweat is unpleasant. I never sweat.
No... but it's not... It's from his mouth.
His breath is horrendous.
That's disgusting!
You shouldn't have to suffer for his poor hygiene. Say something.
That's not something you can...
I'm not used to these, you know.
Jesus...
Can you help me with this?
Of course.
You've got hold of the crutch?
Yes.
You should have told us!
What happened?
It's not as bad as it looks.
Shall we get started?
It's really Ernst's turn to start.
But I think Olle should start by telling us what happened.
I was mugged.
Attacked.
That's terrible!
He took my wallet and a necklace I was wearing.
Then he disappeared.
Aren't you angry?
If you're so bad off that you have to mug someone for money...
I feel sorry for him.
That's not relevant.
Why hate a man with such problems?
You think you deserved to be mugged?
Of course not.
It sounds like middle-class guilt and strong self-hatred to me.
You've picked an interesting wine. This bearded man is so... happy.
He makes me happy.
Ernst, it's your turn.
OK...
I've been thinking about something this week.
My blandness versus my charisma.
Ernst...
I sit in cafés unnoticed for hours.
Then... another time I come and all eyes turn to me.
Must we listen to this again?
Yes, as long as I have the timer.
We've agreed on certain rules here. You made up that timer rule yourself!
Yeah, knock it off!
Rule 1: We all get to say our piece.
But it has to be relevant.
Relevance is relative.
It has to be about a personal problem you have.
And I'm saying I'm both bland and charismatic.
What you're saying is that you're very self-centred.
I just can't forget this charisma thing.
Can someone open a window for me?
Of course.
Last week you told us about your relationship with Premilla.
I'm curious, as I'm sure we all are, about how that's going...
Great. It's going great.
Is it?
It's going very well. Just the other day, Premilla suggested
that we find ways of improving our sex lives.
That we should... do whatever we want with each other.
We... decided to put ourselves entirely into the other's hands
so we could live out some fantasy. "Sure," I said.
I let her start. She tied my hands to the bedstead.
And she went over my whole body, in detail, from toe to top.
She lingered for a long time at my scrotum
which she licked with slow, eager movements. She was crazy!
I felt a little tense at first, but then it was my turn.
I tied her up, too. Good and proper.
Come on, come on, tell us!
Then I poured Frosties in her cunt and fucked her hard, hard, hard.
Frosties?
Yes, the breakfast cereal.
Well, I'll be damned!
It was nice.
You're making it up! It's just your wanking fantasy!
Yes, and that's just fine.
Oh, Johan...!
Is it true, what Ernst said?
Were you just making that up?
He made it up.
Yeah...
It's like this...
Wait, I'm not done erasing.
There. Go ahead.
Well, I tied her up, fairly loosely,
and then licked her down there until she was done.
Or pretended to be done.
Then it got quiet,
and I fell asleep.
So you didn't dare to do what you wanted to?
I've given up the idea of satisfying sex in real life.
It's more like a kind of game. A polite game.
You ought to open the packet of eel.
You can't put eel and meat together; it turns out weird.
There's some weird kind of glue, almost like plaster.
They're not soggy, they're really crispy!
Oh, you made them!
Mauritius? Interesting. I was there in 97. When are you off?
This Christmas.
During the rainy season?
Did you pay for both tickets?
Yes.
Why?
He's a student, he can't afford it.
It was the same thing with your last boyfriend. Why do you always pay?
I don't always pay.
My last two boyfriends just haven't had jobs.
There's nothing odd about that.
Previously, you've said that you were nervous about long trips.
What if you shared expenses?
But he can't afford it.
Couldn't you go somewhere he could afford, and split the cost?
Maybe, but I don't want to.
Cheaper places are boring and cheap.
I want to go to an expensive, enjoyable place.
You never let anyone else pay?
No, I always pay.
What if I offered you a huge seafood platter?
Why?
Because I want to.
But what do you want from me?
Nothing. Your company.
Say an oval platter with oysters...
God, that sounds good!
Belon, a dozen...
Not lobster, but langoustes from the Mediterranean.
I was at a restaurant in Paris...
Hello, good morning.
Oh, isn't this nice!
Welcome to our family breakfast.
Have a seat.
This is for family only.
I just want a cup of coffee.
You know, I think you're even prettier today, Smulan!
How's the magic business?
Fine.
Can you understand my Danish?
Is it still fun?
It's our job.
Are you kangaroos too?
I'll also take my breakfast on the beach.
But Mum! We were going to eat together!
In that case, I'm done.
Thanks for a lovely breakfast.
Perikles!
What, are you off too?
What?
No! No...
A Magical Evening
Did you get the lamb out?
Yes.
So it will be thawed by dinner.
I put it on your side.
I thought it would be unsanitary to have it in the kitchen.
Hi there...
Don't take this the wrong way, Jan-Erik
but I'd like to take you to Africa.
Every day could be our last.
Perikles, come let me show you the stage entrance.
What the hell...?
Mum! Stop that now!
Hi, Dad!
May I come in?
Just kidding.
Er...
it's like this...
You buy a hotel.
You renovate it.
It turns out nice.
You create a pleasant place.
What's this?!
Dad...
Can't we try to maintain a certain decorum here?
Can't we?
That's... that's great.
Nice to...
Just great.
What the hell... Dad!
We fly fishers want a partner on the hook.
That's not easy. The partner likes to stay on land with a hot thermos.
Johan.
Oh, hi!
No, I'm in the car on my way to class.
It's like a cooking class. We get together and eat
and talk.
Hello! How are you?
Just fine...
Hold back... Not yet... Not yet.
Get with it! Not yet.
Now!
The other day I was in the cellar retouching old school photos.
I had such a strange haircut back then.
The nice thing is you can change your past, and I have.
So now I've always been this way.
What's troubling is that it was a perfectly normal cut.
I once had a cut like that.
I looked like all the other boys.
Can't you just accept who you were?
What do you mean?
Why lie about the past?
I can accept things. But the photo is not of how I want to see myself then.
Let me show you... This is my school photo.
I took a pen and retouched it a little, added some lines...
This is how I looked when I think of myself then.
But that's a pussycat.
I don't understand...
I'm serious. When I look back on those days, that's how I looked.
You can't change a photo. That's rewriting history.
I've put things right.
A photo doesn't lie!
So you mean the photo is truth and my pussycat is a lie?
Yes.
Rubbish.
But here...
Look, this is a photo.
What is this?
My wife.
Oh, little Premilla! Let's see!
That's my wife Premilla.
That's exactly what she looks like.
Twenty years from now, it will still be how she looks today.
So this is how she looks?
Exactly how she looks.
Exactly?
Yes.
You don't think she's small and flat?
It's a small photo.
And she has no body.
Interesting wife. Johan's wife has no body and lives in a wallet.
My school photo didn't measure up. I had to change it.
Because your haircut was normal?
It screams conformity.
And what have you done this week, Jenny?
I was a bit nasty to a girl at work.
I didn't mean anything by it. It just happened.
God, there's a lot here! I'll be working overtime all week.
Do you have any New Year plans?
New Year? That's six months away.
But I don't know, I was thinking I might go skiing in Åre.
That sounds like fun.
It's nice to get away from it all.
If I go with some friends, do you want to come?
I'd love that! It'd be great!
We could ski a little and just relax.
We could rent a big cabin!
And have big dinners!
And make out with guys.
At the after-ski party.
Have you been to an after-ski party? It's horrible.
Like at Harley's, only five times worse. But skiing is fun.
Yeah.
You like skiing?
I hate it. Silly clothes and a bunch of kids.
I thought you wanted to go.
And ski? No, I just want to drink.
You mean go away and party?
Yeah.
That's an idea. But I wouldn't go to Åre for that.
And absolutely not at New Year. It's a geek-fest there.
So you don't want to go to Åre?
No, what do you think?
Åre is a big fat joke.
Maybe we can do something here. But I think I already have plans.
We can talk about it later.
You did that? That's mean.
I know.
But I don't see myself as mean.
I don't want to be.
It's fun to be mean.
When you know you've got them!
You can manipulate them...
It's like juggling.
But with people's feelings.
It sounds like fun.
I think it sounds destructive.
Olle...
Is there anything you feel guilty about?
Of course. Tons of things.
The worst thing is that I broke up my family.
I worked too much, spent too much time on my career instead of them.
I was unfaithful.
I feel very guilty about that sometimes.
And that I have no contact with my wife anymore.
Or my daughter.
Did you leave your wife?
No, she left me.
Why?
She caught me with someone else.
What did you do?
Packed my things and left.
No...
She packed her things and left.
Let go of her!
I'm letting go.
Daddy!
My wife got custody of her.
Why?
I didn't have time; I worked all the time.
Yes, I have regrets.
I just couldn't make it work.
So you chose...
...my career.
When did you last see her?
Not since then.
It's unbelievable...
"No, leave, silly Cancer."
No, leave, silly Cancer.
Good!
"The funny ball in the funny park."
The funny ball in the funny park.
When I was 64, I went through an identity crisis.
Was it really a good idea, this polygamist lifestyle
with all these women running around everywhere?
Was it really good to grow up with three mothers?
No, I decided.
So I decided to spend the rest of my life with one woman.
That was Johanna. And I've never regretted that.
Johanna Bergström...
I think these crises help people to mature properly.
If someone makes a giant painting of themselves like that,
how do you beat that?
You make an even bigger painting.
And hang it in front of the first one.
You mustn't do that again.
I want you to respect me.
That goes without saying.
Respect. That's really important.
Have you seen her, do you want to?
You'll see, Dad.
This will be my party.
Hi...
Look what I've got for you.
Have you seen my pretty cow...
What the hell...
I...
What are you doing?
What's that?
A pair of... horse jeans.
Horse jeans?
For Pirog.
You're going to put jeans on him?
That's what it said in the envelope from Dad.
It's not a good idea to put jeans on a horse if you're scared of horses.
No...
Someone else will have to do it.
Right.
All right?
I haven't seen that in a long time.
What?
You nodding like that.
Remember when I played hockey?
Yep.
Remember how bad I was at it?
Yep.
When Dad came to watch, if I screwed up, I looked up to him for support.
And he always looked away.
But not you. You just nodded like that.
That felt good.
I'm so bloody nervous, Tony.
I need you there tomorrow.
That look.
It feels good.
Hi there, boy.
Hi. We're going to get dressed up.
What a great funeral party it's going to be.
What you don't know is that Sören H. Lindberg
will rise from the dead.
Eight penises hanging like grapes against my thigh, what joy!
But what kind of jeans would I wear?